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Submitted on
December 11, 2012
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Sta.sh Writer
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2,739
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185 (who?)
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59
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the cavalry have forgotten
their men in the mud
and i fear we are
running out of ammunition,
ambition,
i mean
we never had much
to begin with

we've not got the fire of a
thousand horses but maybe
two.
sometimes
two will do.
i don't know where this came from
i just like the word cavalry
nice to say and all





edit 12/28/12 - oh my god <3 thank you so much everyone for all of the support, favourites, comments, watches, etc.! i am so shocked and honored to get a DD and i never thought that my writing would be considered good enough for an award like that. wow. thank you guys so much you're all lovely :heart:

(c)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-12-28
inhale by =hhesitate ( Suggested by Lucy-Merriman and Featured by Beccalicious )
:iconivorysinkshore:
ivorysinkshore Mar 24, 2013  Student Writer
(I'm surprised I never commented on this)

Congrats on the daily deviation that was awarded to you on this piece. It's definitely worth the recognition.

The whole thing flowed very well (fast-paced in my head, but great) & is very sound. I think this would be very great to read aloud.

I like how you rhymed 'ammunition' & 'ambition'. It's a beautiful & wonderful rhyme - it adds more to the flow.
(And then the three lines after it are dear god perfectly amazing)

I also like how you mention 'two' twice in the last stanza. It's slightly, very very slightly, repetitive & adds more to everything. It's great.

The whole poem is very great & beautiful. Definitely something to be proud of. :heart:
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:iconfervvent:
fervvent Mar 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you. (personally i was never very proud of
this piece, so when it was picked i was a little
surprised and - admittedly - a tad bit disappointed.
what i like of my writing tends to be the opposite
of what other people do. it's strange)

thanks c: i've been meaning to record some of my stuff
out loud, i just haven't gotten around to it yet.

thanks again haha. i only like rhymes when they're
internal/not overdone, so i hope that when i do rhyme
things they don't come out sounding cheesy or anything.

:heart:
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:iconivorysinkshore:
ivorysinkshore Mar 24, 2013  Student Writer
You're very welcome! (I can understand - people tend to like the poems of mine I'm disappointed with, haha. I love your poetry almost all the same. I haven't came across a poem of yours I haven't liked yet.)

You're welcome! Please do let me know when you do. :heart:

You're very welcome! Internal rhymes seem to be much more interesting, less confined, and just overall better than rhymes that are at the end (especially ABAB rhyme scheme. I can't stand that).

:)
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:iconfervvent:
fervvent Mar 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
(pilfer through my scraps. they're pretty terrible haha)

okay c: i'd probably post a journal or something.

haha i agree.
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:iconivorysinkshore:
ivorysinkshore Mar 24, 2013  Student Writer
(I doubt they're as terrible as you think, really)

Awesome! I can't wait to hear one. :heart:

Cool. :)
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:iconzuzmy:
Zuzmy Mar 22, 2013  Student
amazing! really interesting use of words here.
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:iconfervvent:
fervvent Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you :heart:
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:iconbittersweetobsession:
you are exceptional in all ways.
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:iconfervvent:
fervvent Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: thank you
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:icontheemptychest:
This is absolutely beautiful, dear. I am envious of your writing skill. :heart:
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